Undecided..
"Im thinking so much about it" At this very hour..I am still very confuse..of why I’m still hesitant to change myself for the better, more than what I am now.The day before I posted this blog…I was asking my friend..who was my beloved advicer..that had given me advises for what I was thingking on that day. Because I was so confused of how to deal with the things I have observed with my friend’s attitude towards me recently though the closeness is already there. I noticed that they we’re somehow still treating me like a child..because it’s what they think I am..basing it on the way I act, speak and etc. But I kept on ignoring those observations I have noticed. As months go by..things have changed..but maybe..I was the only one thingking that way. But I know..with the instincts I have in my mind.,I know that there must really be something wrong..but do you know how I always deal with it?with those thoughts running on my mind? Everytime I feel that they still think I’m still a child, the thoughts of really getting matured, strongly comes into my mind. But again I guess the problem was in me, because at the end of the day I came to realize that on how I react on things I got to see, is giving me more puzzles on how to understand changeable situations like those things that were happening to me, during that time. But the eagerness of me in getting matured, through different things is making me more confused, and frustrated..because I really wanna get the maturity through those kind sof situations but still I can’t stick to that goal of making myself matured because of thingking that by the time I change myself, they will not know me anymore.And I’ve tried it many times,(changing myself) but trying to be a serious type of person is really a difficulty for me. I wanted to be judged not with the way I act but on how they see me as the real me. Changes may come our way, but that doesn’t mean that it can only be seen through the way we act just like laughing at those kinds of shared problems. Because in my case I deal with problems through the laughs I am showing everytime they see and talk to me. But behind that smiles is the serious me, whom you can talk to away from other people..Because Im more serious when it is really needed to be talked seriously. But they judged me with the initial reactions I give. (That’s the only reason I see why they still judge me as a childlike person) I’ll end this with this WORDS
——————- I HAVE TO ACCEPT MYSELF——————–
